Re-Identity Crisis

In another dream, the Lord showed me a marketing logo being used to promote churches and home ministry groups. It was a rainbow picture with a cloud at the bottom. The cloud represented the presence of God, and off to the side was a list of equally represented, politically correct identities that the church had assigned to God, namely the Holy Spirit.

To appeal to people's varying beliefs, I understood that part of the church had created new identity terms for God, similar to how new identity terms have been made for gender. The church was separating into groups and forming ministries based on the identity that each person assigned to the Holy Spirit. At the top of the list, He was labeled "diluted water." God showed me in the dream that part of the American church has re-identified with a doctrine for the Holy Spirit that does not ring true with what He reveals about Himself in Scripture. The result is a diluted gospel that functions more like self-help than the power of resurrection in people's lives.

THE GOODNESS OF GOD

One of the greatest misconceptions I've observed in the charismatic movement is a characterization of God's goodness that predominantly only reflects joy, mercy, prosperity, and encouragement. Though these attributes make us feel confident and elicit celebration, focusing on them exclusively limits our understanding of God's complete nature and, likewise, from developing parts of our character as we grow in our relationship with Him. Embracing the Holy Spirit includes accepting His feelings about sin and righteousness in addition to His many gifts and boundless grace. Every part of Him is good, and His nature has never changed throughout eternity.

I'll never forget the night God warned me in a dream about a trial coming into my life. When I woke up, I could hear Him speaking to my heart, as clearly as if He was standing in the room. God warned me about the consequences of judging a friend of mine who was going through a difficult situation. At the same time, He revealed what He'd like to do in my life if I kept my heart humble. Eagerly desiring this opportunity, I asked Him about grace and where He draws the line with sin. I wanted reassurance that if judgmental thoughts were to cross my mind, but I repented, I could still receive His blessings. Without a moment's delay, God responded to me sternly and said, "You have power over sin. Do not let a perceived weakness become a negotiation." The clarity and gravity of His words left me speechless.

As God spoke, I could feel the weight of His presence and His tangible, fathering love throughout my entire body. Lying there in bed, I realized that God had performed open-heart surgery on me, exposing my innermost thoughts and motives, and there was no appropriate response other than worship. I clearly understood that God loves me as a daughter, and that's why He instructs and disciplines me. Though I was blind to pride, God exposed where it was lingering in my heart so I could be empowered to choose another path for my life. In the Psalms, David said that he longed for God's judgments at all times (Psalm 119:20), and after that experience, his words resonate deeply with me. I'm eternally grateful for God's joy, mercy, and encouragement. Still, when I meditate on His goodness, I also think of His discipline and judgment because, at times, they have literally saved me.

Just as wrath without mercy does not reflect the personality of God, neither does grace without judgment or power without holiness. YHWH is in every word and page of Scripture; however, we don't give Him glory by overemphasizing parts of His nature while diminishing or rejecting others. It pains me when I hear charismatic Christians refer to themselves as Spirit-filled merely because they operate in spiritual gifts. The Holy Spirit is given to every person at the time of salvation, reassuring us that we are loved and known by God, providing comfort, and helping us overcome the world and grow in righteousness. When we compare ourselves and consider our experiences in higher regard to others, I'm afraid we judge one another like I was warned about in my dream.

God opposes the proud and loves humility. His desire isn't that we'd embrace denominations and certain aspects of His character, but that we'd embrace Him as "I AM WHO I AM" (Exodus 3:14). Rather than diminish God to fit my understanding, I want to worship Him with all my heart and according to everything He says about Himself.

FAMILY ENTERTAINMENT

When I was employed at the megachurch, I had an unforgettable experience with God. In a dream, God revealed part of His timeless nature that I hadn't experienced before. I was standing all alone in a dance hall lined with full-length mirrors when a tall, distinguished gentleman entered and approached me from across the room. He was wearing a black tuxedo, complete with coattails and, oddly, the head of a Chuck E. Cheese costume that concealed his face. Even though I didn't recognize him because he was, after all, wearing the costume head of a cartoon mouse, he approached me with a familiarity that made me feel like he had known me my entire life.

After he made his way over, he put his hands out and invited me to dance. Intrigued, I gently placed my hands on top of his and allowed him to lead me around the dance floor. Connected to him, my feet instinctively followed his lead, and I marveled that I could glide along with him because I was unfamiliar with the steps. After a minute or two, I realized that the dance was from a distant, ancient era. It dawned on me that the man in front of me, my dance partner, was ageless and had existed for generations and generations prior to mine. Though I never saw his face, I'll never forget looking into his eyes, which I focused on intently through the dance. In his steady gaze, I encountered sophistication, elegance, and wisdom as I've never known before. I also perceived his vulnerability. He was opening up and revealing a part of himself to me, knowing that I would ultimately make judgments and draw conclusions about him and that moment in my heart.

In my dream, YHWH was the masked man, and He was showing me a part of His ancient, timeless nature. When I reflect on that experience, I recall His golden eyes and how He unarmed Himself to my appraisal. For the longest time, I was confused as to why God showed up to meet me in a Chuck. E. Cheese costume. If you're unfamiliar, Chuck E. Cheese is a family entertainment center and restaurant. My kids celebrated birthdays and attended playdates there when they were younger. There's a giant arcade, and throughout the day, costumed characters put on shows for the children. The main cartoon character at the center of the games and fun is a celebrity mouse called Chuck E. Cheese.

Now I realize that God gave me this dream to show me how His full, eternal nature was concealed from me when I was part of a family entertainment center in the charismatic church. Its services elicited celebration, interest, and distraction but re-identified YHWH as an entertaining figurehead that concealed His true identity and eternal nature from me.

When I was in the charismatic church, I unintentionally re-identified God into a version that suited me and made me comfortable. I diluted His power in my life by not allowing Him to convict, discipline, or fulfill His righteous purposes in me. On top of it all, I put my confidence in a church to lead me into truth, and it turned out to be the place where I first became deceived. When I realized this, I was in my kitchen making toast for breakfast one morning. I fell to my knees on the hardwood floor, moaning over how I'd been misled. At the same time, I wept because I was deeply grateful that God intervened to show me the truth about Himself.

I've since come to view my partnership with God much like the dance from the dream. It isn't learned from an instruction manual or how-to video because there isn't one. At times, I've wished all the steps were mapped out so I could practice and impress God once in a while, but instead, God is teaching me to be His partner as I defer to His lead. When I place my hands in His, He guides me, and somehow, my feet instinctively know how to follow His steps and motion. I've come to realize that my dancing abilities have nothing to do with my expertise or knowledge; they are distinctively dependent on my connection to my dance partner, and this is how His Spirit leads me. When I said yes to the dance, He twirled me right out of the entertainment system built inside the church and out into the world.